she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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