How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
