the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
