I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
