it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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