Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
