there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
