WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
