wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
