He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
