Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
