just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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