hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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