We won't sleep together?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
