No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
