our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
