there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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