I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
