I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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