if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
