So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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