she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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