Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
