I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
