Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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