i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
