it's like iHOP with fire
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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