Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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