I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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