Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YAS. BRING CRAB.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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