And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Two words: blizzard sex
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
