Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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