I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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