I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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