You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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