It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
