her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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