Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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