Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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