it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
