thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
