My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
