How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
