So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
