My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
