...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
