my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
