i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
