I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
