I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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