I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
