We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
