my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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