Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
