if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
